faces & names

My name is Dylan.  If I had to choose another name, I would have a hard time.  I think Dylan is my favorite name.  But, why?

While working on my album, I keep coming back to a concept i've been struggling with - how to know someone.  What aspects of people are really know-able.  Who are we?  How do you define another person.  This is obviously not the most original conundrum I've found for myself, and it isn't a new idea.  If i remember, how to "define a being" is one of the motifs in Moby Dick.  (If i remember what my english lit professor said, that is). 

Faces and Names.  The two handles we automatically hand out to the world, to provide some mechanism for interaction.  There has to be something available in order to simply quantify the person, to be able to identify and tally them as an individual.  So on that level, a name is a tool.  As meaningless as a serial number.  First, Last, Middle Initial.  Only when there is more than one person making a claim to a specific name, would their faces become a tool of differentiation.  "Is that John H. Smith with brown hair or John H. Smith the blond?" This is probably the way the government looks at names - a less convenient categorization than Social Security Numbers. 

Let me start over. 
Lauren. 
Lauren.  Lauren.  All day long, in my head.  Lauren.  I don't care about the word, it's sort of awkward as it slides across my tongue.  Lauren.  It doesn't have a taste, or a smell.  It most often goes unspoken - not even manifest by breath.  Lauren.  It is just a noise, a meaningless sound once spoken.  But I'm using the name to recall a billion memories.  There is a shape, a physical 3-dimensional body, named Lauren, in my soul.  It isn't the shape of the girl, it isn't recognizable.  But it has a name, and a feeling, and it is a more accurate representation of a Being than even that Being itself.  It is an impact.  A bruise.  A continuum of experience that is defined as much by my own soul as hers.  This identity that I proscribe to her is really just a reflection of her as seen through the lens of my own soul. 

The real Lauren has a face, a personality.  Thoughts, feelings, motivations, reactions based upon a lifetime of unique experiences, instincts based upon a hundred lifetimes of shared genetics.  A person is SO intricate, so deep, so nuanced.  A construction, built by an infinity of moments, glued together with a continuous experience.  The real Lauren is, by definition, unknowable. 

So this name, Dylan.  It represents me.  But the Dylan it represents is a unique individual in each person's experience.  The real me is unknowable.  I can only do my best to represent my true self when interacting with others, and hope that their "Dylan" is a good avatar of my soul, especially considering he has my face. 

To Be Continued!  And probably re-drafted!  Or Forgotten! 

Whatever,
D

First!

Well maybe I will actually use this.  For something...  not sure what.  But it's got my name on it.  Built To Spill concert tonight @The Showbox, should be interesting.  I am going alone, because *someone* wanted to go with a girl instead of me, and *she* wanted to go to the all ages show.  And I wanted to go to the 21+ show, so as to enjoy some rock music with adults and not have high school d-bags all over the place.  I could be wrong, it could be ripe with college freshmen or something, but REALLY what is THE DIFFERENCE?  So, I'll be there if anyone is looking for me tonight.  Havin a couple drinks, talkin to strangers, and enjoying the band!  MAYBE tomorrow I will post a review.  This could be a concert review blog.  Ha, my blog thinks I've misspelled "blog". 

The adventure continues!